Failure! what failure?!

Failure! a topic that is too sensitive, perhaps underrated and less talked about. In a society full of flashy objects and picture perfect life, we don’t dare to talk about our failures. Jeeze! how could we? we’re too busy editing pictures and pretending to be too perfect. No body broadcasts their failures and brag about them.  If we pay attention, everything we see around us is a result of accumulated failures. We only see the finished product and not how it got here.

It’s ok to lose and fail sometimes you know. We shouldn’t be scared to fail. In fact, the more we fail  the closer we get to making it. Failure is part of the game. It is part of life.  I think failure is not the opposite of success. Fear is the opposite of success. Failure is just part of the journey and success.

I think the issue is not failing but perhaps not getting up and fighting back again. Because it’s easier to give up. The more you fail, the more you know how to deal with it and position yourself better for the next time you mess up. 🙂

 

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We get headaches when we overthink things and when we worry too much about failing. Some people don’t like to fail at all and so they don’t try. I’d say not trying is a massive failure and a risky business.

If you think about it, we have a 50/50 chance. Why focus our beautiful mind on failing. What if we don’t. This is precisely the reason why I’m not scared to play with fire. Because I know it is part of success. I do it knowing it could burn me but I don’t want to miss out on the lessons and the growth I could get from it. It helps me recognise the areas where I need to work on and it definitely helps me get closer to where want to get.

 

failure quote.

Thomas Edison made 1000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When he got asked, how did it feel to fail 1000 times? he replied, “I did’t fail 1000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1000 steps.“. What a Gangster response!!! my kind of man.

Fear is just an illusion. We feed it sooo much energy that we begin to believe it is real.

Let’s begin our journey planning to win but if we don’t, at least we’ll get some valuable experience out of it. In the end, we’re not really failing are we? Well, it depends which angle we’re looking at it from.

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Remember we always have a choice. we get to choose which attitude we’re gonna wear. What does your outfit look like today?

Always with Love- Bersi x0x0

 

Scared to follow your dreams?

Scared to follow your dreams?

Well, internet friends, I’m not going to sugar- coat it and pretend that I am a big actionista gal. ( someone who takes action lol).

The reason I didn’t pursue my dreams and didn’t follow through with an action to a scale that I wish I had done was because, my dream kept me going. It kept me alive. I had something to hold on to. It gave me hope and it had me saying, “one day” and I figured if I act on it and it fails, I won’t have anything to hold on to and won’t be able to say “one day” anymore.

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I won’t have that smear of hope that was barely holding me together.

And then, I saw this quote from Ghandi which resignated with me. “To believe in something and not to live it, is dishonest”. This really hit home cos’ I know what I believe in and trust me I’m trying to live it and be it. Everyday!  The quote gave me more courage to keep on keeping on and keep my eyes on the goal.

Little did I know though, we can have as many dreams and ideas as we want- not just one.  We don’t have a limited allowance you know. This is not a vodafone data allowance.  So I decided to act on it and was prepared to fail on my face. I really do not want to be on my death bed and regret the choices I made in life or the ones I didn’t. I did not want to play it safe anymore.

And I undesrtood that if it fails, I should focus on altering the steps, the approach and perhaps update my skills to get there but never change the dream. We miss this point. It’s not the dream that fails, it’s the way we go about it.

I just don’t want to carry an empty hole in my heart and walk around pretending to have a fulfilled life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sad because I made a choice to be happy.

But I wanted to be fulfilled and be more lightened. Which is why I call my blog, come shine with me, cos I try to keep my corner lit and keep shining and bring my sunshine with me.

I don’t want to sacrifice my life for doing what I don’t love doing. Standing in my own truth is what I stand for.

Because I know there’s so much freedom to be had when we stand on our own truth. When people are busy chasing happiness, I’m chasing freedom, cos’ happiness is just a state and we can choose to be happy without any conditions and you can train yourself to be in that state and own that shit. #wisemove

But being free, we gotta work harder and harder everyday baby!!! It ain’t cheap and it defo ain’t easy.

I’d say, If u want to live an honest life son, go get something to believe in and live by it. #simples

Always with love- Bersi

The way out!

 

It was written before I wrote
It was broken before I broke it
The way out- it was made before I made it
God almighty
Always there- watching me
Paving the way for me
Every turn, every corner
Curving it beautifully
Sending me,  angels who guard me

scarf me
I was always protected
Deep down I knew- never doubted it
All I had to do was pay attention- no hesitation
Believe! Listen carefully
It’s a gut feeling
What I was good at ignoring
What do you know about it though? it is a spiritual thing. Spiritual healing!!

Yours. Bersi, with love xoxo

 

 

I’m everything and nothing at all!

I am everything and nothing at all

Sometimes I want to be quiet and sometimes celebrate
I love those who have energy and jump around and I am that,
But at times I just want to meditate and leave it at that.
Sometimes I want to hold hands and take it slow,
But other times I want to jump in the ocean and play with the storm
You know playing with words is what I adore, but then I also like a movie & a popcorn

Sometimes I hold on tight to what I have, but other times I don’t care if all is lost
I love it when you tell me you love me, but other times it’s enough when you hold me
And we all love it when people sympathise with us but tough love we also appreciate.
Sometimes we want to be healthy but then we also celebrate being lazy
And don’t we all love honesty but the kind less brutal & easy

we love to share but we don’t like it when they’re too nosy

I admire flexibility, and I don’t mind changing but without losing my identity

you see- It’s not because I have endless personalities
But because, darling!  I am everything
And without it, I’m also nothing!!!

look around, pay attention and see if you’re experiencing something ….anything?

Love always, yours Bee x0x0

3 things I’ve learned anyone should do before getting involved in a relationship!

3 things I’ve learned anyone should do before getting involved in a relationship!

 

So it took a lot of pausing and reflecting to learn what I’m about to tell you, but it was something I already knew that I needed a reminder of. You see, we think we’ll be happy or complete once we find “Mr right” or “Mrs right” or when we get married, when we get that dream job or we’ll be complete once we have children…etc. The list is endless.

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But the truth is before we get into a relationship, we need to know that…..

1: We are whole and complete on our own first – We need to learn the craft of being whole on our own. Believe me, it is indeed a skill we need to learn and master, because not many are comfortable being on their own and most, don’t believe they are whole and complete on their own. And some jump from one failed relationship to the other to feel validated or to escape loneliness.

For me, being on my own is a piece of cake, because that is what I prefer and that is how I recharge. That is also how I reflect, gather my thoughts and stay connected. But, I still thought I needed a man to complete me. Boy! was I wrong.

However, it’s not our fault to think that we need someone to be and feel complete. We’ve been conditioned to think that way by society since Genesis; the kind of mentality which is no longer valid for me. #SocietyFailures

My whole life I’ve seen people considering themselves as a half and refer to their partners as “my other half” which implies that they’re not complete on their own. This is the reason why many people don’t even mind being in a toxic relationship, in order to be and feel complete. #Wrong #ThinkAgain

My dears, if you don’t feel complete on your own first, you won’t feel it when you’re all loved up either. That’s why some people feel lonely even when they are with their partner.

Can you imagine what it’d be like if two happy people get together? #magic

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2: We need to be happy on your own first

Now that we mastered the skill of being whole on our own, we also need to learn being happy on our own.

We are not a half, waiting for our other half to appear. We are already whole. A wo/man cannot make us happy. S/He can only add more to our happiness. Because friends, that is an inside job and it is our responsibility to make ourselves happy. #TakeResponsibility

Some of us know that most relationships fail because they expect the other person to make them happy. They expect them to be their world! How dare they put that much pressure on their loved ones #DontBeOneOfThem

Ladies, stop expecting your man to be the whole damn cake when truly, he should only be the cherry on top. This also applies to men as well, so don’t think you’ve escaped it. Lol

The bottom line is we need to learn to be able to say I first, before we can say I love you and realise that happiness does not reside in someone else’s pocket.

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But you might ask, how does one feel complete and happy on their own?

3: Work on the whole damn cake first- i.e. You

The whole cake is YOU! We all know it takes time and effort to make a cake. Imagine! You have to get the ingredients, bring them home, measure it all up, mix it up, bake it and decorate it. It is a long process. It requires patience, attention and practice to achieve a tasty cake and it will take just as much work for you to feel complete. If you miss an ingredient or your measurements were incorrect, the outcome won’t be as you wished. So be attentive, live in the moment and be grateful for what is already yours.

Nobody buys an unfinished cake!

If you’re asking someone to be your cake when they’re meant to be only the cherry on top, you are asking too much. This is what happens in most relationships and often a reason for breaking up. This is also what happened to me- too much pressure to the point I could not breathe anymore because he wanted me to be the whole cake and I killed my cherry duty in an attempt of being a cake. #SadTimes

So get your ingredients right. Date yourself because you need to get to know you first. You need to know what you like and what you don’t. Spend quality time to learn your values. Because you see, you’re stuck with you for life, so you better love yourself for better or worse. To make it all exciting,  do anything that lights up your soul. Do for yourself what you wanted your wo/man do for you.

For me travelling, reading, being creative, watching moves, eating well, yoga-ing, listening to music and dancing renew my soul and they truly make me happy.

Love yourself the way you want someone else to love you. Put yourself first and don’t feel guilty for doing so. Be the person you want to meet. But most of all, whatever you decide to do or wherever you decide to go, go with all of your heart and have fun. And when they see the light they’d want to be part of it too. They’d want to come shine with you. #ComeShineWithMe– (my new hashtag. Isn’t it great?!) 🙂

Finally

You get to bake your cake and be it too- and wait for the cherry to drop when it’s time.  No pressure lovelies!

Always With love- Bee

 

5 Relationship lessons I’ve learned in 2017

5 Relationship lessons I’ve learned in 2017!

2017 has been an eventful year for me. It was beautiful, abundant, challenging and certainly full of experiences. It tested my heart’s strength and most definitely, it has shaped me to be a better person.

Here are few things I’ve learned from it that I thought you might benefit from.

 

1: Trust your instinct no matter what

 

Whether we like it or not we all have a gut feeling that we ignore consistently. We have such a hard time listening to it and trusting it. We ignore all the signs, we ignore that feeling that can’t be explained and we just go with the flow hoping that one day, that unexplainable feeling will go away. I mean, it’s easier that way right? WRONG!

My favourite Poet Dr Maya Angelou once said “when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them”. This is SO TRUE, but we become accustomed to ignoring things and we don’t even pay attention to what is. And most of the time, we don’t want to ruin what we have and so we choose to move along with it.

I learned that our instinct is the greatest internal GPS we have and we better start navigating with it before it’s too late; which is why I have begun to listen to the teachings my heart whispers to me; and really understand what is going on, be present in the moment and pay attention more every day. #MattersOfTheHeart

 

2: Be yourself unapologetically

 

Being yourself is the ultimate relationship goal. Heck! Being yourself is the ultimate life goal. Often, people change who they truly are to feel accepted and to have that sense of belonging. I used to be that person once, but I’ve started working hard to be myself and accept myself every day, even if it meant people didn’t like it. It’s hard but that’s the only way to freedom.

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In a world full of fakeness, being yourself is like hitting a jackpot- Bersi 🙂

It is the easiest thing you can do in your life and it is the greatest accomplishment you could ever have. #DontBetrayYourself

 

Compromising is essential but it should not come at the expense of losing yourself in the process. I mean, what fun could that be? Ain’t that the reason why they were drawn to you anyway?! So why are they trying to change you?? It makes no sense at all. At one point, I felt like I was living in someone else’s shadow because I don’t want to upset the person I was with and mainly out of respect. But, what is the point if you’re not getting respected back! You see, changing few things here and there is ok, but changing who you truly are to accommodate others is a no go for me.

I say, don’t be with someone who you’re trying to change/fix. Don’t fall for their potential self and the person they could be one day if they change for you. Be with them because you like them just the way they are. Be with the finished product- ready made!J

 

3: Set your boundaries

 

Once the line you’ve drawn is crossed, you know it’s over. But to set boundaries you need to know who you truly are and what your values are. If the person steps on those boundaries, then it is time to have a chat.

Create boundaries. Honor your limits. Say no. Take a break. Let go. Stay grounded. Nurture your body. And if all else fails, breathe deeply. Don’t underestimate breathing, I tell you breathing deeply is one of things that really really helped me release the tension and stress. #WhenInDoubtBreathe

Also remember to nurture your body and respect your body. Go to a Spa if you have to, eat well and feed your mind. Don’t forget yourself just because your boundaries have been crossed and you don’t know how to deal with it. Staying healthy and having a clear mind is important. It helps you focus on what you need to do next. Through it all you have to understand you need you more than anything.

 

4: Open up and speak your truth- be fearless

 

Address your issues and talk about them openly like adults. If they can handle your truth then game on! But if you can’t be transparent and are hiding things, you won’t go anywhere. You’ll always be stuck and going back to the same issue over and over again.

If things are not making sense to you and making you uncomfortable then say so. Don’t just bottle it up. So many times I’ve ignored things because I thought they were petty and didn’t deserve attention. But it’s the little things that turn into something big. This is something I really need to work on but I’ve decided to live my life fearlessly a while ago so I’m heading the right way!! #Winning

I made a mistake cos’ I didn’t speak out loud my truth because I was always being considerate and didn’t want to pick the wrong moment to talk about serious things.

And as the lovely Oprah said; “Speaking our truth is the most powerful tool we all have”. #UseIT #SaveYourSelf

 

5: Open your eyes, stay focused and observe carefully

You can never know people enough and not everyone is loving and caring like you are, so keep your eyes open.  People only see you through their own eyes and they can only understand you from their level of perception.  You see, you can only trust people as much as you trust yourself.

If you’re sneaky, you’ll think they are too. If you cheat, you’ll watch their every move trying to catch them in the act. So an innocent text from or to a friend will look bad in their eyes. But if you trust yourself 100%, then you’ll see others through your trusting heart. If a person says they don’t trust you, it means they don’t trust themselves. They’re sending a big message here, so pay attention.

“He who does not trust enough, will not be trusted”- Lao Tzu

Don’t waste your breath trying to make them believe they should trust you. If the trust is not there and most importantly if they don’t trust themselves- game over! #RunTheHellOut

 

Always with Love- Bee 🙂

Expectation!

A sensitive topic that gets people into arguments, hate, resentment and disappointment and the cliché saying of all time “expect nothing to avoid being disappointed”!  ohh really? I’d say expect away and get disappointed anyway. It’s part of life and part of who we are. It’s not something you simply can switch of.

Bruce Lee has once said “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectation and you’re not in this world to live up to mine” and this is exactly how I want to live my life. And I’m safe to say I’m doing well on this. Giving, just because I feel like it and not expecting anything in return. It’s not easy but, it’s the journey that I’m on. I’m working to better myself each and everyday and I’ve also read few books on self-development; and I will keep reading them. But the truth is, we’re humans and whether we do things expecting something in return or we don’t, we’re bound to feel disappointed when the love or the favour doesn’t get returned. Don’t blame me- blame your heart and the way we’re made. And if they say why why?- tell them that is human nature- just like MJ said!

proud to be me

Though, I’m trying to live my life according to Mr Lee’s quote above, it’s been challenging for me when it comes to letting people be. I don’t know if it’s a problem but I always see the good in people and it takes me a looooong time before I can say enough is enough and move on. I choose to see the good in people and always expect them to do better and be better. But I always get disappointed when they don’t live up to the expectation and the better image I have for them. See! I’m still expecting but I honestly don’t want to. Because, I figured everyone should be free and we cannot expect anyone to see life the way we do and expect them to think like we do. I’ve learned that we cannot expect them to be who we want them to be. Just as much as we don’t want them expecting us who to be.

We’re always going to end up resenting the people who make us do the things we hate doing and tell us to live our lives their way. And they’re always going to resent us for not fulfilling their wish. So if this is the case, why can’t we live FREELY ever after?!

The gorgeous Lisa Nicholas said, “ if you expect me to be the next Oprah, I will disappoint you massively, so let me just be Lisa Nicholas”

In a world full of expectations, just be!

In a world full of expectations, just be. You’re going to disappoint friends, parents, teachers…etc and you will never be perfect, and they’re also going to disappoint you. The sooner you get this the better. It’s about time we find peace with it but remember as long as you don’t disappoint you, honey! You’re good.

If you’re kind, be kind- don’t change because that one person is not being kind to you. If you’re crazy, be crazy! Don’t change because they want someone who’s boring. You are and should be loved the way you are.

I hope in the process of it all, you do not let anyone else’s expectations direct the course of your life.

Peace and Harmony

Bersi x