3 things I’ve learned anyone should do before getting involved in a relationship!

3 things I’ve learned anyone should do before getting involved in a relationship!

 

So it took a lot of pausing and reflecting to learn what I’m about to tell you, but it was something I already knew that I needed a reminder of. You see, we think we’ll be happy or complete once we find “Mr right” or “Mrs right” or when we get married, when we get that dream job or we’ll be complete once we have children…etc. The list is endless.

not half- image1

But the truth is before we get into a relationship, we need to know that…..

1: We are whole and complete on our own first – We need to learn the craft of being whole on our own. Believe me, it is indeed a skill we need to learn and master, because not many are comfortable being on their own and most, don’t believe they are whole and complete on their own. And some jump from one failed relationship to the other to feel validated or to escape loneliness.

For me, being on my own is a piece of cake, because that is what I prefer and that is how I recharge. That is also how I reflect, gather my thoughts and stay connected. But, I still thought I needed a man to complete me. Boy! was I wrong.

However, it’s not our fault to think that we need someone to be and feel complete. We’ve been conditioned to think that way by society since Genesis; the kind of mentality which is no longer valid for me. #SocietyFailures

My whole life I’ve seen people considering themselves as a half and refer to their partners as “my other half” which implies that they’re not complete on their own. This is the reason why many people don’t even mind being in a toxic relationship, in order to be and feel complete. #Wrong #ThinkAgain

My dears, if you don’t feel complete on your own, you won’t be in the after- life”either (I call being in a relationship the “after life”, cos’ I literally had none once I was in one) LOL *sigh

I'm complete- post

 

2: We need to be happy on your own first

Now that we mastered the skill of being whole on our own, we also need to learn being happy on our own.

We are not a half, waiting for our other half to appear. We are already whole. A wo/man cannot make us happy. S/He can only add more to our happiness. Because my dear, that is an inside job and it is our responsibility to make ourselves happy. #TakeResponsibility

Some of us know that most relationships fail because they expect the other person to make them happy. They expect them to be their world! How dare they put that much pressure on their loved ones #DontBeOneOfThem

Ladies, stop expecting your man to be the whole damn cake when truly, he should only be the cherry on top. This also applies to men as well, so don’t think you’ve escaped it.

The bottom line is we need to learn to be able to say I first, before we can say I love you and realise that happiness does not reside in someone else’s pocket.

happiness- post

But you might ask, how does one feel complete and happy on their own?

3: Work on the whole damn cake first- i.e. You

The whole cake is YOU! We all know it takes time and effort to make a cake. Imagine! You have to get the ingredients, bring them home, measure it all up, mix it up, bake it and decorate it. It is a long process. It requires patience, attention and practice to achieve a tasty cake and it will take just as much work for you to feel complete. If you miss an ingredient or your measurements were incorrect, the outcome won’t be as you wished. So be attentive, live in the moment and be grateful for what is already yours.

Nobody buys an unfinished cake!

If you’re asking someone to be your cake when they’re meant to be only the cherry on top, you are asking too much. This is what happens in most relationships and often a reason for breaking up. This is also what happened to me- too much pressure to the point I could not breathe anymore because he wanted me to be the whole cake and I killed my cherry duty in an attempt of being a cake. #SadTimes

So get your ingredients right. Date yourself because you need to get to know you first. You need to know what you like and what you don’t. Spend quality time to learn your values. Because you see, you’re stuck with you for life, so you better love yourself for better or worse. To make it all exciting,  do anything that lights up your soul. Do for yourself what you wanted your wo/man do for you.

For me travelling, reading, being creative, watching moves, eating well, listening to music and dancing renew my soul and they truly make me happy.

Love yourself the way you want someone else to love you. Put yourself first and don’t feel guilty for doing so. Be the person you want to meet. But most of all, whatever you decide to do or wherever you decide to go, go with all of your heart and have fun. And when they see the light they’d want to be part of it too. They’d want to come shine with you. #ComeShineWithMe– (my new hashtag. Isn’t it great?!) 🙂

Finally

You get to bake your cake and be it too- and wait for the cherry to drop when it’s time.  No pressure lovelies!

Always With love- Bee

 

5 Relationship lessons I’ve learned in 2017

5 Relationship lessons I’ve learned in 2017!

2017 has been an eventful year for me. It was beautiful, abundant, challenging and certainly full of experiences. It tested my heart’s strength and most definitely, it has shaped me to be a better person.

Here are few things I’ve learned from it that I thought you might benefit from.

 

1: Trust your instinct no matter what

 

Whether we like it or not we all have a gut feeling that we ignore consistently. We have such a hard time listening to it and trusting it. We ignore all the signs, we ignore that feeling that can’t be explained and we just go with the flow hoping that one day, that unexplainable feeling will go away. I mean, it’s easier that way right? WRONG!

My favourite Poet Dr Maya Angelou once said “when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them”. This is SO TRUE, but we become accustomed to ignoring things and we don’t even pay attention to what is. And most of the time, we don’t want to ruin what we have and so we choose to move along with it.

I learned that our instinct is the greatest internal GPS we have and we better start navigating with it before it’s too late; which is why I have begun to listen to the teachings my heart whispers to me; and really understand what is going on, be present in the moment and pay attention more every day. #MattersOfTheHeart

 

2: Be yourself unapologetically

 

Being yourself is the ultimate relationship goal. Heck! Being yourself is the ultimate life goal. Often, people change who they truly are to feel accepted and to have that sense of belonging. I used to be that person once, but I’ve started working hard to be myself and accept myself every day, even if it meant people didn’t like it. It’s hard but that’s the only way to freedom.

quote insta

In a world full of fakeness, being yourself is like hitting a jackpot- Bersi 🙂

It is the easiest thing you can do in your life and it is the greatest accomplishment you could ever have. #DontBetrayYourself

 

Compromising is essential but it should not come at the expense of losing yourself in the process. I mean, what fun could that be? Ain’t that the reason why they were drawn to you anyway?! So why are they trying to change you?? It makes no sense at all. At one point, I felt like I was living in someone else’s shadow because I don’t want to upset the person I was with and mainly out of respect. But, what is the point if you’re not getting respected back! You see, changing few things here and there is ok, but changing who you truly are to accommodate others is a no go for me.

I say, don’t be with someone who you’re trying to change/fix. Don’t fall for their potential self and the person they could be one day if they change for you. Be with them because you like them just the way they are. Be with the finished product- ready made!J

 

3: Set your boundaries

 

Once the line you’ve drawn is crossed, you know it’s over. But to set boundaries you need to know who you truly are and what your values are. If the person steps on those boundaries, then it is time to have a chat.

Create boundaries. Honor your limits. Say no. Take a break. Let go. Stay grounded. Nurture your body. And if all else fails, breathe deeply. Don’t underestimate breathing, I tell you breathing deeply is one of things that really really helped me release the tension and stress. #WhenInDoubtBreathe

Also remember to nurture your body and respect your body. Go to a Spa if you have to, eat well and feed your mind. Don’t forget yourself just because your boundaries have been crossed and you don’t know how to deal with it. Staying healthy and having a clear mind is important. It helps you focus on what you need to do next. Through it all you have to understand you need you more than anything.

 

4: Open up and speak your truth- be fearless

 

Address your issues and talk about them openly like adults. If they can handle your truth then game on! But if you can’t be transparent and are hiding things, you won’t go anywhere. You’ll always be stuck and going back to the same issue over and over again.

If things are not making sense to you and making you uncomfortable then say so. Don’t just bottle it up. So many times I’ve ignored things because I thought they were petty and didn’t deserve attention. But it’s the little things that turn into something big. This is something I really need to work on but I’ve decided to live my life fearlessly a while ago so I’m heading the right way!! #Winning

I made a mistake cos’ I didn’t speak out loud my truth because I was always being considerate and didn’t want to pick the wrong moment to talk about serious things.

And as the lovely Oprah said; “Speaking our truth is the most powerful tool we all have”. #UseIT #SaveYourSelf

 

5: Open your eyes, stay focused and observe carefully

You can never know people enough and not everyone is loving and caring like you are, so keep your eyes open.  People only see you through their own eyes and they can only understand you from their level of perception.  You see, you can only trust people as much as you trust yourself.

If you’re sneaky, you’ll think they are too. If you cheat, you’ll watch their every move trying to catch them in the act. So an innocent text from or to a friend will look bad in their eyes. But if you trust yourself 100%, then you’ll see others through your trusting heart. If a person says they don’t trust you, it means they don’t trust themselves. They’re sending a big message here, so pay attention.

“He who does not trust enough, will not be trusted”- Lao Tzu

Don’t waste your breath trying to make them believe they should trust you. If the trust is not there and most importantly if they don’t trust themselves- game over! #RunTheHellOut

 

Always with Love- Bee 🙂