3 things I’ve learned anyone should do before getting involved in a relationship!
So it took a lot of pausing and reflecting to learn what I’m about to tell you, but it was something I already knew that I needed a reminder of. You see, we think we’ll be happy or complete once we find “Mr right” or “Mrs right” or when we get married, when we get that dream job or we’ll be complete once we have children…etc. The list is endless.
But the truth is before we get into a relationship, we need to know that…..
1: We are whole and complete on our own first – We need to learn the craft of being whole on our own. Believe me, it is indeed a skill we need to learn and master, because not many are comfortable being on their own and most, don’t believe they are whole and complete on their own. And some jump from one failed relationship to the other to feel validated or to escape loneliness.
For me, being on my own is a piece of cake, because that is what I prefer and that is how I recharge. That is also how I reflect, gather my thoughts and stay connected. But, I still thought I needed a man to complete me. Boy! was I wrong.
However, it’s not our fault to think that we need someone to be and feel complete. We’ve been conditioned to think that way by society since Genesis; the kind of mentality which is no longer valid for me. #SocietyFailures
My whole life I’ve seen people considering themselves as a half and refer to their partners as “my other half” which implies that they’re not complete on their own. This is the reason why many people don’t even mind being in a toxic relationship, in order to be and feel complete. #Wrong #ThinkAgain
My dears, if you don’t feel complete on your own, you won’t be in the “after- life”either (I call being in a relationship the “after life”, cos’ I literally had none once I was in one) LOL *sigh
2: We need to be happy on your own first
Now that we mastered the skill of being whole on our own, we also need to learn being happy on our own.
We are not a half, waiting for our other half to appear. We are already whole. A wo/man cannot make us happy. S/He can only add more to our happiness. Because my dear, that is an inside job and it is our responsibility to make ourselves happy. #TakeResponsibility
Some of us know that most relationships fail because they expect the other person to make them happy. They expect them to be their world! How dare they put that much pressure on their loved ones #DontBeOneOfThem
Ladies, stop expecting your man to be the whole damn cake when truly, he should only be the cherry on top. This also applies to men as well, so don’t think you’ve escaped it.
The bottom line is we need to learn to be able to say I first, before we can say I love you and realise that happiness does not reside in someone else’s pocket.
But you might ask, how does one feel complete and happy on their own?
3: Work on the whole damn cake first- i.e. You
The whole cake is YOU! We all know it takes time and effort to make a cake. Imagine! You have to get the ingredients, bring them home, measure it all up, mix it up, bake it and decorate it. It is a long process. It requires patience, attention and practice to achieve a tasty cake and it will take just as much work for you to feel complete. If you miss an ingredient or your measurements were incorrect, the outcome won’t be as you wished. So be attentive, live in the moment and be grateful for what is already yours.
Nobody buys an unfinished cake!
If you’re asking someone to be your cake when they’re meant to be only the cherry on top, you are asking too much. This is what happens in most relationships and often a reason for breaking up. This is also what happened to me- too much pressure to the point I could not breathe anymore because he wanted me to be the whole cake and I killed my cherry duty in an attempt of being a cake. #SadTimes
So get your ingredients right. Date yourself because you need to get to know you first. You need to know what you like and what you don’t. Spend quality time to learn your values. Because you see, you’re stuck with you for life, so you better love yourself for better or worse. To make it all exciting, do anything that lights up your soul. Do for yourself what you wanted your wo/man do for you.
For me travelling, reading, being creative, watching moves, eating well, listening to music and dancing renew my soul and they truly make me happy.
Love yourself the way you want someone else to love you. Put yourself first and don’t feel guilty for doing so. Be the person you want to meet. But most of all, whatever you decide to do or wherever you decide to go, go with all of your heart and have fun. And when they see the light they’d want to be part of it too. They’d want to come shine with you. #ComeShineWithMe– (my new hashtag. Isn’t it great?!) 🙂
You get to bake your cake and be it too- and wait for the cherry to drop when it’s time. No pressure lovelies!
Always With love- Bee