What true belonging means to me.

Where do you belong?

Well darlings, this is a tough one. I have seen people struggle with it as much as I have struggled. We all want to feel we belong somewhere. Whether it is our families, our villages, our countries, our jobs, our friends, our communities…etc. But isn’t it true that belonging is fitting in? I questioned myself several times.  What happens if we don’t fit in anywhere anymore. I mean, we belong somewhere because we share something right. Whether it’s values, standards, traditions and cultures. I mean, there has to be something we have in common right. But if you start having different values, different ways of thinking, different everything than our community, would you still say, I belong with them? Would you still feel comfortable saying that’s my home? Would you still feel understood, valued and accepted?

I mean we can disagree on somethings but if the core values change, what then? This kept coming back to me.

I left home in my mid-teenage years and have had to start life over and over again. Have had to learn different languages, cultures and traditions; and I’m grateful for it. I brought my values I grew up with, with me but over the years they started changing. I mean we have to evolve in order to grow right? We can’t just be in one spot and expect to grow too. We got to keep learning and changing. But the reality of it is, we try to make our values fit with others and when they don’t work we back off and ask why it didn’t.

2018-10-05 14-50-44

we try to make anyone and everything familiar to our values home. You try to grab it and never let go of it. We be the servant because it gives us that sense of belonging. I am guilty of this because I did it over and over again. I try to replace that feeling of belonging with people who didn’t even care about me. Of course, I didn’t see it then. But I kept searching for it everywhere. But I had no luck.

I didn’t know I didn’t have to do things to feel and be accepted and I certainly didn’t have to prove anything to anyone so I can belong.

And I failed to understand that home is not where I left it. It is not with a bunch of people. I finally understood that Home is me. It always has been. Home is where I go. Home is my head and my heart. Home is me. Because I kept coming back to myself. I kept coming back to my heart. And I reached a conclusion that no matter where I go there is my home. You cannot escape yourself. You’ll always be carrying you around, so you better make that a comfortable home. Respect your home, clean your home, love your home. And you will see a much loved, happy, cared for and respected home will attract curiosity and will attract homes just like it.

…And when you find someone who’s just what you were looking for; well, they can be your second home 🙂

Hope these words stay with you 🙂

With love- Bersi x

 

 

 

 

 

Failure! what failure?!

Failure! a topic that is too sensitive, perhaps underrated and less talked about. In a society full of flashy objects and picture perfect life, we don’t dare to talk about our failures. Jeeze! how could we? we’re too busy editing pictures and pretending to be too perfect. No body broadcasts their failures and brag about them.  If we pay attention, everything we see around us is a result of accumulated failures. We only see the finished product and not how it got here.

It’s ok to lose and fail sometimes you know. We shouldn’t be scared to fail. In fact, the more we fail  the closer we get to making it. Failure is part of the game. It is part of life.  I think failure is not the opposite of success. Fear is the opposite of success. Failure is just part of the journey and success.

I think the issue is not failing but perhaps not getting up and fighting back again. Because it’s easier to give up. The more you fail, the more you know how to deal with it and position yourself better for the next time you mess up. 🙂

 

20180819_162246 (1)

 

We get headaches when we overthink things and when we worry too much about failing. Some people don’t like to fail at all and so they don’t try. I’d say not trying is a massive failure and a risky business.

If you think about it, we have a 50/50 chance. Why focus our beautiful mind on failing. What if we don’t. This is precisely the reason why I’m not scared to play with fire. Because I know it is part of success. I do it knowing it could burn me but I don’t want to miss out on the lessons and the growth I could get from it. It helps me recognise the areas where I need to work on and it definitely helps me get closer to where want to get.

 

failure quote.

Thomas Edison made 1000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When he got asked, how did it feel to fail 1000 times? he replied, “I did’t fail 1000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1000 steps.“. What a Gangster response!!! my kind of man.

Fear is just an illusion. We feed it sooo much energy that we begin to believe it is real.

Let’s begin our journey planning to win but if we don’t, at least we’ll get some valuable experience out of it. In the end, we’re not really failing are we? Well, it depends which angle we’re looking at it from.

failure quote 2.

Remember we always have a choice. we get to choose which attitude we’re gonna wear. What does your outfit look like today?

Always with Love- Bersi x0x0

 

Scared to follow your dreams?

Scared to follow your dreams?

Well, internet friends, I’m not going to sugar- coat it and pretend that I am a big actionista gal. ( someone who takes action lol).

The reason I didn’t pursue my dreams and didn’t follow through with an action to a scale that I wish I had done was because, my dream kept me going. It kept me alive. I had something to hold on to. It gave me hope and it had me saying, “one day” and I figured if I act on it and it fails, I won’t have anything to hold on to and won’t be able to say “one day” anymore.

20180712_205350
I won’t have that smear of hope that was barely holding me together.

And then, I saw this quote from Ghandi which resignated with me. “To believe in something and not to live it, is dishonest”. This really hit home cos’ I know what I believe in and trust me I’m trying to live it and be it. Everyday!  The quote gave me more courage to keep on keeping on and keep my eyes on the goal.

Little did I know though, we can have as many dreams and ideas as we want- not just one.  We don’t have a limited allowance you know. This is not a vodafone data allowance.  So I decided to act on it and was prepared to fail on my face. I really do not want to be on my death bed and regret the choices I made in life or the ones I didn’t. I did not want to play it safe anymore.

And I undesrtood that if it fails, I should focus on altering the steps, the approach and perhaps update my skills to get there but never change the dream. We miss this point. It’s not the dream that fails, it’s the way we go about it.

I just don’t want to carry an empty hole in my heart and walk around pretending to have a fulfilled life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sad because I made a choice to be happy.

But I wanted to be fulfilled and be more lightened. Which is why I call my blog, come shine with me, cos I try to keep my corner lit and keep shining and bring my sunshine with me.

I don’t want to sacrifice my life for doing what I don’t love doing. Standing in my own truth is what I stand for.

Because I know there’s so much freedom to be had when we stand on our own truth. When people are busy chasing happiness, I’m chasing freedom, cos’ happiness is just a state and we can choose to be happy without any conditions and you can train yourself to be in that state and own that shit. #wisemove

But being free, we gotta work harder and harder everyday baby!!! It ain’t cheap and it defo ain’t easy.

I’d say, If u want to live an honest life son, go get something to believe in and live by it. #simples

Always with love- Bersi

The way out!

 

It was written before I wrote
It was broken before I broke it
The way out- it was made before I made it
God almighty
Always there- watching me
Paving the way for me
Every turn, every corner
Curving it beautifully
Sending me,  angels who guard me

scarf me
I was always protected
Deep down I knew- never doubted it
All I had to do was pay attention- no hesitation
Believe! Listen carefully
It’s a gut feeling
What I was good at ignoring
What do you know about it though? it is a spiritual thing. Spiritual healing!!

Yours. Bersi, with love xoxo

 

 

I’m everything and nothing at all!

I am everything and nothing at all

Sometimes I want to be quiet and sometimes celebrate
I love those who have energy and jump around and I am that,
But at times I just want to meditate and leave it at that.
Sometimes I want to hold hands and take it slow,
But other times I want to jump in the ocean and play with the storm
You know playing with words is what I adore, but then I also like a movie & a popcorn

Sometimes I hold on tight to what I have, but other times I don’t care if all is lost
I love it when you tell me you love me, but other times it’s enough when you hold me
And we all love it when people sympathise with us but tough love we also appreciate.
Sometimes we want to be healthy but then we also celebrate being lazy
And don’t we all love honesty but the kind less brutal & easy

we love to share but we don’t like it when they’re too nosy

I admire flexibility, and I don’t mind changing but without losing my identity

you see- It’s not because I have endless personalities
But because, darling!  I am everything
And without it, I’m also nothing!!!

look around, pay attention and see if you’re experiencing something ….anything?

Love always, yours Bee x0x0

3 things I’ve learned anyone should do before getting involved in a relationship!

3 things I’ve learned anyone should do before getting involved in a relationship!

 

So it took a lot of pausing and reflecting to learn what I’m about to tell you, but it was something I already knew that I needed a reminder of. You see, we think we’ll be happy or complete once we find “Mr right” or “Mrs right” or when we get married, when we get that dream job or we’ll be complete once we have children…etc. The list is endless.

not half- image1

But the truth is before we get into a relationship, we need to know that…..

1: We are whole and complete on our own first – We need to learn the craft of being whole on our own. Believe me, it is indeed a skill we need to learn and master, because not many are comfortable being on their own and most, don’t believe they are whole and complete on their own. And some jump from one failed relationship to the other to feel validated or to escape loneliness.

For me, being on my own is a piece of cake, because that is what I prefer and that is how I recharge. That is also how I reflect, gather my thoughts and stay connected. But, I still thought I needed a man to complete me. Boy! was I wrong.

However, it’s not our fault to think that we need someone to be and feel complete. We’ve been conditioned to think that way by society since Genesis; the kind of mentality which is no longer valid for me. #SocietyFailures

My whole life I’ve seen people considering themselves as a half and refer to their partners as “my other half” which implies that they’re not complete on their own. This is the reason why many people don’t even mind being in a toxic relationship, in order to be and feel complete. #Wrong #ThinkAgain

My dears, if you don’t feel complete on your own first, you won’t feel it when you’re all loved up either. That’s why some people feel lonely even when they are with their partner.

Can you imagine what it’d be like if two happy people get together? #magic

I'm complete- post

 

2: We need to be happy on your own first

Now that we mastered the skill of being whole on our own, we also need to learn being happy on our own.

We are not a half, waiting for our other half to appear. We are already whole. A wo/man cannot make us happy. S/He can only add more to our happiness. Because friends, that is an inside job and it is our responsibility to make ourselves happy. #TakeResponsibility

Some of us know that most relationships fail because they expect the other person to make them happy. They expect them to be their world! How dare they put that much pressure on their loved ones #DontBeOneOfThem

Ladies, stop expecting your man to be the whole damn cake when truly, he should only be the cherry on top. This also applies to men as well, so don’t think you’ve escaped it. Lol

The bottom line is we need to learn to be able to say I first, before we can say I love you and realise that happiness does not reside in someone else’s pocket.

happiness- post

But you might ask, how does one feel complete and happy on their own?

3: Work on the whole damn cake first- i.e. You

The whole cake is YOU! We all know it takes time and effort to make a cake. Imagine! You have to get the ingredients, bring them home, measure it all up, mix it up, bake it and decorate it. It is a long process. It requires patience, attention and practice to achieve a tasty cake and it will take just as much work for you to feel complete. If you miss an ingredient or your measurements were incorrect, the outcome won’t be as you wished. So be attentive, live in the moment and be grateful for what is already yours.

Nobody buys an unfinished cake!

If you’re asking someone to be your cake when they’re meant to be only the cherry on top, you are asking too much. This is what happens in most relationships and often a reason for breaking up. This is also what happened to me- too much pressure to the point I could not breathe anymore because he wanted me to be the whole cake and I killed my cherry duty in an attempt of being a cake. #SadTimes

So get your ingredients right. Date yourself because you need to get to know you first. You need to know what you like and what you don’t. Spend quality time to learn your values. Because you see, you’re stuck with you for life, so you better love yourself for better or worse. To make it all exciting,  do anything that lights up your soul. Do for yourself what you wanted your wo/man do for you.

For me travelling, reading, being creative, watching moves, eating well, yoga-ing, listening to music and dancing renew my soul and they truly make me happy.

Love yourself the way you want someone else to love you. Put yourself first and don’t feel guilty for doing so. Be the person you want to meet. But most of all, whatever you decide to do or wherever you decide to go, go with all of your heart and have fun. And when they see the light they’d want to be part of it too. They’d want to come shine with you. #ComeShineWithMe– (my new hashtag. Isn’t it great?!) 🙂

Finally

You get to bake your cake and be it too- and wait for the cherry to drop when it’s time.  No pressure lovelies!

Always With love- Bee

 

Safe journey!

Oh darling, you must not know me

If you leave, it’s not because of me

If you stay, it’s not because of me

But because of your poor soul, who was unable to see the light in me

 

I will keep shining even when you don’t see me

I will never stop growing even when you’re not near me

This time I’m stronger and a lot wiser

So nothing can get to the self which is higher than ever

 

You see, I choose to see the best in people’s souls

Even yours, which needed saving and was crying for happiness

Darling that wasn’t up to me but to thy self

You were looking in the wrong places

I tried to make you see it but I couldn’t get past your stubbornness

 

The time we had was beautiful and cherished every minute of it

You were free from the very start

Supported you 100% on your new path

But all I can say for now is….

No tears

No regrets

Only the beautiful memories will last

I wish you endless happiness and love

I wish, you truly find yourself and all the love that you have

I wish you only the very best and nothing less in life!

Always with love- Bee 😘😘